


Seek Only Love

by iwritetropesnottragedies (recklesslee), recklesslee



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Boy Squad, Broerrrs - Freeform, Complete, Five Times, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Secret Admirer, Sort Of, bad boy Sander, high school student sander, locker love notes, references to past homophobia, references to past violence, slight angst, the boy squad is nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklesslee/pseuds/iwritetropesnottragedies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklesslee/pseuds/recklesslee
Summary: Robbe is surprised to find he has what might be a note from a secret admirer in his locker. Who would possibly want to send him a note? That question wasn’t nearly as interesting to the school as it was to Robbe. They had a different question spreading across the hallways: who is the new boy with all the rumours swirling about him, and were they true?Aka the og style high school au that wtfock didn’t ask for.Or Sander goes to Robbe’s high school.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 62
Kudos: 298





	1. Locker Notes and Questions

Robbe Ijzermans would never claim to be particularly observant. He only had to look at his year-long crush on his best friend to be able to tell that he lacked the ability to read people particularly well. That or he was just willfully ignorant. The fact that he was the cause of Jens’ temporary break up was a good example of this as well. Robbe genuinely didn’t realize that he and Jana had liked each other that much. Anyways, Robbe reasoned, the two of them were so on again off again that he could hardly be blamed for their relationship drama.

This isn’t to say that Robbe is completely unaware. He was aware of his attraction to Jens; he was aware that Jana was an obstacle in the way of their friendship. He was even, on some level, aware that nothing was going to come from his feelings. Jens was the first person nice enough to give him the time of the day. His interest reflected that. But he knew, even at the time, that it would bloom and then wilt soon enough.

If Robbe was honest with himself, which he tried not to be, he was so focused on ensuring no one could tell his thoughts and feelings, that he hardly had time to notice others around him.

This was all to say that Robbe had no idea who had left the stray piece of paper in his locker.

At first, he took no note of it. Pushing it out of the way with the rest of the contents of his locker. When it fell to the floor, his first thought was to leave it there, but with his luck he would be caught by a teacher, or worse by Amber, and made to listen to an entire speech about the problems of littering. Robbe just couldn’t risk it.

He bent down to retrieve the paper and put it in the bin. When he reached for it though, he noticed that there was writing on it. Writing that wasn’t his. Curious, Robbe opened the paper, void of lines and thick, to find a message written on it.

_If you come from art, you’ll always be art._

Robbe looked curiously about, trying to see if there was anyone around watching him. When no one seemed to be paying him any mind, Robbe unfolded the paper. Above the words was a detailed drawing of eyes.

Robbe stared at them, captivated. The lines were fine, curved and placed delicately on the page. Although clearly a sketch, the work seemed as if it was completed with the utmost care. The image itself was lifelike in its detail. The set of eyes were wide and expressive. The eyebrows were thick and downturned, like the outer corners of each eye. Together they gave the impression that the eyes were sad, seeming as if they shined with tears. The iris was shaded darkly, and Robbe could almost see a hint of a secret within their shaded depths. Robbe looked at them for a long moment, they were almost familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

He was interrupted from his gazing by the sound of the bell ringing. Robbe realized all at once that he was supposed to be in science on the opposite end of the building. So stuffing the paper back into his locker, Robbe ran for his class.

+

By the time lunch rolled around, Robbe had all but forgotten the odd events of the morning.

He arrived at the lunch hall and stopped, searching for his friends in the crowd of students. It may have been too sudden a stop though because a body walked into him from behind.

Stumbling forward, Robbe already began to turn around to try to face the person. Hands held onto his arms as they flailed, keeping him from falling backwards. “Sorry, sorry.” Robbe said, reorienting himself and taking note of the hands that still held him steady. He looked up past dark washed jeans, and then up some more past a leather jacket and graphic tee, until he caught a shock of white hair and the softest shade of green eyes he had ever seen before.

“It’s chill.” The boy he bumped into said, a soft smirk growing on his lips. “Maybe keep an eye out before sudden stops though?”

Before Robbe could form a reply, the boy let go of his arms and walked off into the den of people.

Robbe watched him as he left.

When he lost sight of the blond, Robbe returned once again to the task of finding his friends. He spotted them towards the windows and made his way over slowly, subtly looking in the direction the boy had disappeared hoping to catch that shock of hair once again.

“I can’t handle her though.” Jens was saying, reaching out to greet Robbe with a fist bump, without breaking conversation with Moyo and Aaron.

“Who?” Robbe asked, still preoccupied with the space behind his friends leading outside, where the blond had headed.

“Jana.” Moyo said. “She is still angry at Jens because of the Britt thing.”

Confused, Robbe brought his full attention to his best friend. “What happened now?”

“Britt wants me to help her study for history.” Jens said, by the way his shoulders slumped, Robbe could tell he was already tired of the conversation. “I tried to explain that there is nothing to worry about to Jana- Britt said there is someone new she has an eye on- but Jana still doesn’t want to hear it. I have to listen to her talk about her friends for hours, and yet I can’t even get enough words out to explain myself. I don’t know what to do.”

“I wish Amber was jealous over me.” Aaron said.

And that was Robbe’s cue that he could zone out again. He couldn’t find the blond near the lunch hall doors, so he started looking out the window into the yard to see if he could spot him. It took some looking, but eventually Robbe found the blond sitting alone under a tree and focused on something in his lap. His head was bopping up and down to whatever was playing out of his earphones. He wasn’t facing Robbe, so the brunet felt comfortable staring at the line of his shoulders under the black leather jacket and the way his bleach blond hair caught the sunlight as the wind carded through it.

He must not have been particularly subtle, because soon Aaron interrupted the conversation to call out Robbe. “He looks super cool, doesn’t he?”

Robbe startled, pulling his gaze from the boy outside to his friend. “What?”

“The new guy.” Aaron gestured to the blond outside.

“New guy?” Robbe fiddled with the food in front of him. “It’s the middle of the year.”

“Yeah he just transferred over a couple weeks ago. Apparently, it was rough at his last school.” Jens said.

Robbe looked curiously over at the blond. The slope of his shoulders seemed to take on a new sense of loneliness to Robbe.

“Apparently he’s crazy.” Aaron said casually, though he startled when Robbe turned sharply to look at him. “Sorry, sorry. Wrong word. It’s just the rumor is that he got super violent and freaked everyone out at his last school. I heard he was kicked out.”

Jens snorted. “Right because rumors are always true.” He glanced at Robbe. “Did something happen?”

Robbe shook his head. “I was trying to place him when I bumped into him earlier.”

Moyo leaned forward to punch at Robbe’s shoulder. “Well you better watch out. I heard he’s as mean as they come. All he’s been doing is glaring at everyone and icing them out. Little Robbe is gonna be dead meat by the end of the week if he doesn’t watch his back.”

“It’s probably a good idea to stay away.” Aaron agreed.

Jens shrugged at Robbe when he looked at him. Robbe was curious, but otherwise he was happy to let the conversation drift away to other subjects.

Robbe spent the rest of the lunch period trying to figure out why all of the information he’d just been given only served to make him more interested in figuring out what was going on with the man outside.

+

The new guy didn’t seem to be in his grade. Robbe looked out for him in every class he had for the rest of that day. He knew that if he had been in his grade, Robbe would have seen him for the first time way before their lunch encounter. One look at the blond, and Robbe was looking for him everywhere now.

It seemed the same for the blond as well. He was always looking back. In the hallway Robbe would pass him, or Robbe would see him in the yard or lunch hall. Every time Robbe felt a chill run down his spine, and it was not at all unpleasant. When he saw Robbe his head would tilt to the side, a small smirk working onto his face. Sometimes his tongue would peek out of his mouth or he would bite at his lips. Each time this happened Robbe would blush, feeling hot all over. He was sure he was just seeing things, that his mind was playing tricks on him, because there was no way a boy that looked like that was giving Robbe the time of day. But each time Robbe had himself just about convinced he hadn’t actually seen anything, he’d spot the blond looking again.

Robbe was waiting for his friends in the yard later that week, when he spotted the blond again. He was walking swiftly down the outdoor space ignoring everyone around him with a serious look on his face.

Robbe supposed he could see how someone like that might seem intimidating, with his leather jacket and alternative tastes. He definitely didn’t seem friendly by the sharpness of his eyes or the frown on his mouth. Still, Robbe couldn’t help but be interested. He didn’t seem scary to Robbe but rather mysterious. Robbe wanted to know him, not stay away from him.

When the blond caught sight of him, that dark look left his face entirely. The blond looked excited to see him, that playful smirk lighting up his face once again. His footsteps slowed and his gaze was focused on Robbe’s direction. Robbe even turned around to make sure there was no one behind him. He had to double check. When he returned his gaze to the blond, his smirk had bloomed into a full-blown smile. It rounded his cheeks and made him look younger. Robe felt his stomach bottom out at the sight.

The blond didn’t stop by Robbe though. He kept walking right past the brunet as they shared eye contact. As they passed each other, Robbe turned his head to follow the blond’s movement. The blond did the same, looking back at Robbe as he continued forward. And just as he stepped out of reach, his tongue peeked out of his mouth to lick at his lip as his eyes travelled down Robbe’s body. Robbe felt hot again, just like every time before. The blond looked back into Robbe’s eyes and winked, before disappearing into the school and leaving Robbe flustered on a bench. Robbe may not have been observant, but the blond was anything but subtle.

Robbe sat dazed, unsure what he had just experienced was real.

+

Robbe was collecting his language textbook from his locker when he spotted the picture again. He had been so caught up in the new kid, he didn’t have time to think about where the image had come from. He was interrupted from his thoughts when Aaron and Jens arrived at his locker. He could clearly hear them discussing the school gossip as they waited for him to finish getting his things.

“His name is Sander Driesen.” Aaron said, by way of greeting.

“Who?”

“The new guy you bumped into?” Aaron reminded him.

As if Robbe would have forgotten. He nodded his head, trying to feign disinterest, but this was the first piece of information he had gained about the blond. Sander. Robbe was eager to learn more. “Who did you learn that from?” He asked, trying to be casual.

“Amber heard from Jana, who heard from Britt. Apparently, she knows someone who went to his old school.”

“That and she’s been stalking his grade.” Jens added.

“Huh.” Robbe hoped he came off as uninterested. He knew that when Aaron felt like he had to impress the people he was talking to, he would often give more information than necessary freely. Robbe could learn more without seeming like he wanted to.

“Yeah. He’s a year above us, so Britt doesn’t know the girl at the other school too well. All she heard was that he caused some property damage last year, and got it confirmed for sure. It was one of the reasons he was expelled.” Jens nodded along to Aaron’s words, as if this wasn’t news to him at all.

“Did you hear all this already?” Robbe asked. “Are you and Jana good again?” The answer to that changed daily.

Jens shrugged. “Who knows? But yeah, she told me. Though she added that the property damage was vandalism. Apparently, the guy graffitied a huge mural on school property and caused a bunch of work for the school to fix. We spent last night trying to find pictures of it. I heard it was well done, but I didn’t hear what it was of.”

Sander graffitied something. He drew. Robbe felt his hand tighten on the paper that was still clutched within it. His eyes dropped down to it, wondering…

Jens eyes followed his, dropping down to the paper too. “What is that?” He asked, reaching for the sheet in Robbe’s hand faster than the brunet could move it.

Robbe watched wide eyed, as his best friend opened the paper and read it, scrambling for an answer. “It’s just this drawing I found randomly in the hallway.” He lied.

Aaron and Jens looked at the paper curiously.

“It’s really nice.” Aaron said.

“You just found it in the hallway?” Jens asked. The way his eyes draw into slits at the corners as he squinted. The look suggested he was skeptical of Robbe’s explanation.

“Yeah.” Robbe said, leaning into the lie. “It was on the floor in the middle of the hall, and I picked it up to put in the garbage. I thought it looked kind of cool, so I didn’t throw it away.” Aaron nodded along easily enough, but Jens still looked curious and his ‘hmm’ in reply didn’t seem promising. “Why? Do you know whose it is or something?”

“No, not at all.” Jens answered, handing the paper back to Robbe. “I just must be seeing things.”

It was Robbe’s turn to be curious. “What?”

Jens shrugged his shoulders again. “It must be a coincidence, but I just thought those eyes on the paper kind of looked like yours.” He explained.

Robbe felt his heart skip a beat, turning to study the eyes on the paper. His palms felt itchy and his cheeks hot as he studied the drawing and the words beneath it. “Yeah.” He said a moment later, regaining his composure. “It must be a coincidence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this!
> 
> It is my first work in the WTFock verse (but not my first in SKAM), and I would love to hear what you think.


	2. Bathroom Breaks and Lunchtime Dates

When Robbe arrived at school the next Monday, it was with more excitement than he could ever remember having for the establishment. He walked down the school yard with his eyes scanning the area for a shock of blond hair. He slowed his steps entering the building with hopes that he might pass Sander if he was slow enough, but it didn’t seem like he was going to have luck this morning.

When he neared his locker, however, he noticed a piece of paper sticking out of the slits on the top of it. Robbe felt his pace quicken as he rushed towards the locker. Pulling the door with more force than necessary, the paper fell to the floor as the door slammed onto the locker beside it causing a clatter that had Robbe checking to make sure no one was around him and apologizing to those who were close enough to be surprised by the noise.

When he opened the note this time, he was greeted by the detailed image of two hands clutching to each other. They weren’t gently holding each other; the lines were jagged and harsh. They highlighted the tight squeeze of the hands clasping, wrinkles and fine lines of protruding knuckles and veins. Even still, the hold had a softness to it. Hands gripping to each other, because neither wanted to let go. The outstretched arms suggested they were being pulled apart, but the tight embrace meant that neither were willing to give up the precious thing at their fingers.

Robbe stared at the image, at what feelings it suggested, at the desires it caused to bubble within him. When he looked his fill, he stared down to the note written below it. _With you by my side, it should be fine. We'll buy some drugs and watch a band, then jump in a river holding hands._ The words were as unclear as the previous note’s inscription. Robbe couldn’t parse their meaning, but something about them suggested longing. The imagery it conjured in his mind was dark. What this note was supposed to signal to Robbe, he was unsure, but he was even more intrigued than with the previous note.

Robbe pulled a magnet off of the locker door, and he placed this new drawing on the side of his locker where the first one already hung. He collected his things, although his thoughts still wandered, and made his way down the hall to sit in front of the door of his first class of the day.

+

“So Jana is still annoyed with everything that happened, and she said that Britt is completely ready to move on and so she should as well.” Jens said.

Robbe looked at him confused. “Okay but what does that even mean?”

“No idea.” Jens shrugged.

“I am not jealous of your relationship drama, that’s for sure.” Moyo said.

“I don’t even know what I did. I wasn’t talking to Britt, and I said I don’t care that she wants to move on, but apparently that wasn’t what Jana wanted to hear. She said it was disrespectful that I didn’t care about Britt’s happiness, but I know she would be pissed if I said good for her. Anyways I am over it, girls confuse me.” Jens let his head fall into his hands, going quiet. Aaron pat his back from beside him.

“I actually heard that from Amber too. Apparently, Britt is interested in hooking the new guy. He still hasn’t talked to anybody or made any friends, so she thinks he is mysterious. He does seem super cool.”

That caught Robbe’s attention. Confused, he asked, “What do you mean he hasn’t talked to anyone?”

“He has been completely silent. In and out of class.” Moyo explained. “The rumor is he’s mute. Lost his ability to talk because of all the fights he got into or something.”

“That’s bullshit.” Robbe said, remembering Sander’s words when they bumped into each other.

Moyo shrugged, uninterested in Robbe’s certainty. “There he is, check yourself.”

Robbe turned to watch as Sander entered the yard, ignoring everyone around him. He didn’t look the least bit interested in what was going on with the rest of the student body. He was moving quickly, walking intently towards a free space under a tree, before his path was blocked.

Robbe watched as Britt made her way to Sander, forcing him to stop before he walked into her. He looked at her curiously, but like Moyo predicted, he didn’t say anything.

“Oh my god, this is gonna be epic.” Moyo whispered from beside him, slapping at his shoulder excitedly, as if to make sure Robbe was paying attention.

Robbe was. With growing horror, he realized what he was about to witness. They were close enough to be heard, so Robbe shushed Moyo and focused all his attention on the exchange.

“Hi.” Britt said, pushing her hair behind her shoulder. When Sander merely cocked his head to the side, looking at her, she continued. “I’m Britt. I know you’re new, and you probably don’t know anyone here, so I thought I would offer myself as someone available for you to hang out with. I can show you around the school, introduce you to some of my friends, and maybe we can meet up after school sometime to get to know each other?”

Robbe wouldn’t say he liked her actions, forcing Sander to pay attention to her, but he had to admit that Britt was ballsy to make herself available like that. He was impressed by her forwardness, even if he felt his stomach drop at her words. Britt was beautiful, and she could have her pick of the boys at school. 

Robbe watched with bated breath for Sander’s response. But the longer he waited, the more awkward it became. Sander continued to stare at Britt in front of him, face blank and mouth slack. When she started to move from one foot to another uneasily, Sander pointed to the space behind her and then moved in that direction shortly after, leaving her standing there alone. All without saying one word to Britt.

It was brutal.

Robbe heard Moyo snort next to him, still watching as a red-faced Britt shuffled off in the direction of her friends. Soon Jens and Aaron joined in on the laughter.

“That was amazing.” Jens said.

“I told you he doesn’t talk. Straight savage.” Moyo said between laughs.

Robbe smiled awkwardly at his friends, hand running through his hair nervously. “I guess you’re right.” He conceded feebly.

Robbe was more confused than ever. If Sander didn’t talk, and that’s how he reacted to the words of one of the most popular girls in school, then why did he say anything to Robbe at all? It would seem more likely that Sander would freeze Robbe out by saying nothing, then smile at him in the hallway. Why was Sander interacting with Robbe at all if he was so cold to others?

Robbe could see the looks that Sander garnered from the other students in the yard. Looks of awe, intrigue, and judgement. Why was he even giving Robbe the time of the day, when no one else was getting it?

+

Robbe had gotten very little rest the night before, and he now spent the majority of his math lesson trying to avoid falling asleep. He was sporting a headache courtesy of the dull drone in the room and the lack of proper sleep. When he couldn’t handle much more, just a few minutes later, he raised his hand and asked to escape.

He now found himself roaming the empty hallways in the middle of the period. He walked a short while, aimlessly, until he heard a soft melody followed by a loud bang that came from the bathroom on his left. Curious, Robbe rattled the door handle until it gave way for his entrance. He heard a stifled noise, but when he entered the bathroom fully, there was no one to be seen, and no feet under the stall doors.

“Hello?” He called out cautiously, not wanting to bring the attention of any teachers that might be patrolling the halls.

He was answered by silence, but it wasn’t long before a noise broke it. Robbe heard a muffled, “Shit.” as he heard something drop to the ground. Robbe watched as the permanent marker rolled towards him, landing at his feet.

Robbe knelt down to collect it, as he listened to the other occupant of the room step down from his hiding place and then the bathroom stall squeak open. “I think you dropped this.” He joked, standing up and coming face to face with Sander Driesen.

Sander smiled softly, pink tinting his cheeks. “Yeah. Thanks.” He reached forward to take the marker Robbe offered him. “Sander.” He introduced himself.

Robbe nodded. “I heard.” He gestured to the stall Sander had exited. “What were you doing in there?” Robbe asked, curious about Sander and why he was holed up in a stall with markers for company.

Sander ran a hand through his hair, turning to glance back at the stall he had occupied. Robbe was a bit distracted by the white of his wrist, and the pull of each strand of hair that fell between his fingers, that he almost didn’t hear Sander’s response. “That’s a very forward question. I’ll be honest, that’s a secret I won’t share with delinquents who are ditching class. Especially when they don’t introduce themselves.” His eyes were playful as he wiggled his eyebrows at Robbe.

Robbe made a noise of indignation. “I am not skipping class! I felt sick and needed a minute to catch my breath, is all. I’ll be heading back soon.”

“Oh…” Sander whispered. “And here I thought you just wanted to see me so much that you invaded the bathroom.” That smile was back, and a tongue peeked out between his teeth as he regarded Robbe. “You still haven’t told me your name.”

Robbe felt his cheeks heat. “Robbe. I came in because I swore I heard a noise. Wouldn’t want you getting caught by teachers, so I thought I’d check myself.”

“So kind of you, Robbe.” He said his name like he was committing it to memory. Sander gestured to the space behind him with his thumb, before turning back to the stall he had been hiding in. “Come.”

And Robbe was not going to say no to that.

He followed Sander into the cramped space, allowing the blond to maneuver him about the area, until he was facing one wall, with Sander’s arm stretching over his shoulder to point out the drawing on it.

The drawing was of a river, reaching from the top right of the stall’s wall and winding down to the towards the left by the door. Trees littered the banks, and an open space surrounded by jagged rocks had two pairs of shoes placed in its center. The sketch was quick and simple. Robbe felt a little disappointed that it did not resemble some other drawings he had received, but he tamped it down. It was a silly notion anyways, that the drawings may have had the same owner. His eyes lowered to the words written within the lines of the water, blazing a trail of their own.

“Where is that from?” He let his fingers linger over the last word.

“It’s a quote from David Bowie. Have you heard of him?” Sander’s fingers followed Robbe’s movement, and when their fingers brushed accidentally, Robbe felt a shiver up his spine.

Robbe shook his head no, felt when Sander let a huff of air out on his shoulder. “I mean I’ve heard the name, but I don’t know the quote.”

Sander cleared his throat behind him. _“Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”_ He stepped back, and taking hold of Robbe’s hand, pulled him out of the stall into the open space.

“He’s a singer.” Sander explained, letting Robbe’s hand fall and pulling out his phone to open spotify and press play. “I was listening to him before you came in the bathroom. The quote’s not from a song though.”

Robbe listened quietly for a bit, taking in the words and haunting vocals. He reddened under the gaze Sander leveled at him. “That’s probably what I heard that brought me in here. Like the music pulled me to you.”

Sander smiled, small and captivating. “I like that. Bowie always wants what’s best for me. The man was magic.”

Robbe returned the smile shyly. “I’ll have to check him out more often.”

“Please do.”

Sander let the song continue to play but did not move out of Robbe’s space. The lyrics engulfed the two of them and Robbe felt Sander move closer, taking up more space as the song continued.

A bit embarrassed by the shifting mood, Robbe attempted to change the subject. “So, you like drawing huh?”

Sander’s eyes did not leave Robbe’s when he replied. “Yeah. I draw things I think are beautiful.”

Robbe felt his stomach drop. He looked up into Sander’s green eyes, impossibly wide and beckoning him forward. It felt like Sander was trying to tell him something. “Yeah?” He whispered.

Sander grew closer still. Robbe could just feel his breath on his face. “Yeah.” Sander said, closing the distance between the two of them.

Robbe felt his eyes close in anticipation, unsure if what he was interpreting was truly taking place, but the bell rang before lips could touch. Robbe shot backwards, hand moving through his hair as he tried to center himself. Sander stood motionless momentarily, before moving past Robbe to wash his hands of the ink from his drawing. He smirked at Robbe’s reddened cheeks. Robbe was unsure as how to react after a moment that created more questions than answers. Had he imagined it? “I should get back to class.” He stammered.

Sander was still smiling, his tongue peeking out between his lips as he looked at Robbe up and down. He gestured to the door behind Robbe. “I’ll see you later?” He asked. Unlike his smirk, his tone was quiet and uncertain.

Robbe surprised himself at how quickly he nodded. “Yeah. Maybe even at lunch?”

Sander’s laughter was relieved. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

+

Once Robbe had bought something small from the cafeteria for lunch, he made his way outside to find his friends. He waded through the groups of students to head to the back of the school yard, where they usually sat when the weather was nice. As his eyes scanned the crowd, he found the familiar blond hair that he had become so accustomed to searching for sitting alone under one of the small planted trees. He had earphones on, a notebook on his lap, and a pencil in hand.

Robbe watched him quietly, taking a moment to see if Sander would notice his presence before he chickened out and continued his way across the yard. Sander was bobbing his head to the music, Bowie Robbe guessed, and seemed to be lost in his own world. Robbe watched his hand flex on the pencil using it to tap out a rhythm onto the paper in front of him. He watched Sander’s eyes drift closed as he mouthed along with the lyrics and his head swayed from side to side as he leaned back so his face turned to the sky. Soon he stilled, letting his head fall forward and opening his eyes. He stared straight at Robbe.

Sander smirked, and Robbe felt it in the pit of his stomach. When Sander dropped his gaze to the space beside him and then returned it to Robbe in a clear invitation, he felt his feet move of their own accord towards Sander as if beckoned by a siren’s song.

Robbe settled next to Sander as he pulled his earphones off. “Hi.”

“Hi Robbe.”

“Is it okay if I sit here?” He was nervous. It didn’t help that some of the students near them began sneaking glances in their direction. Robbe could see Moyo pointing them out from where they sat, and Jens mouthing ‘what the fuck’ at him.

Sander’s head cocked to the side. “Didn’t we already have this conversation?” His smile was bright.

Robbe ran his hand through his hair, looking away from Sander’s green eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself. “Right… I guess I’m just confused about why you’re talking to me. Why you’re being nice.”

“I like you.” Sander said simply. “Also, you’re very pretty.”

Robbe’s cheeks heated, but he couldn’t look away from the bright smile on Sander’s lips. He liked the way it widened further when their eyes met. “But you could have talked to anyone, Sander. I mean- I like that you talk to me, but there’s rumors you haven’t talked to anyone.”

Robbe watched as Sander let his pencil trace lines on the paper in front of him before answering. “Everyone already had an opinion of me, I had a reputation before I even arrived here. It didn’t seem worth it to do anything to prove them wrong… or right.”

Robbe squinted at Sander. “So, you just let them talk? Didn’t try to get to know anybody? Were you really willing to be lonely for the rest of the school year?”

“I’ve been trying to get to know you.”

Robbe felt the words settle in the pit of his stomach, stirring the butterflies that rested there. “We bumped into each other. By accident?” Even to Robbe’s own ears it sounded like a question. Sander’s unimpressed stare didn’t do much to discourage the heat building within him. Rather than focus on it, Robbe changed the subject. “The rumors are ridiculous anyways; you don’t seem dangerous at all.”

If Sander noticed the clumsy attempt to change the subject, he didn’t mention it. “Everyone is capable of being dangerous Robbe, I just don’t want to hurt you.” The statement felt like it floated there in the air, a current between them that neither was willing to dissipate but were equally unwilling to comment on.

Robbe studied his hands, they rested on the sandwich he’d bought and was fiddling with rather than eat. When the silence stretched on into uncomfortable, Robbe unwrapped it to take a bite. He noticed Sander follow suit, pulling out his food and picking at it. Robbe followed the movement of Sander’s hands and the clench of his jaw when he took a bite.

“That looks good.” He said. And though he wasn’t sure whether he was commenting on the food or on Sander, he readily accepted a piece when Sander leaned forward to offer him some. Conscious of the eyes about them, Robbe’s hand took the proffered piece from Sander before he could fully reach his hand out to feed Robbe from it.

“Do you like it?” Sander’s fingers still lingered in the space in front of Robbe’s face. They twitched as if aching to move forward, and Robbe secretly wished they would. Sander let them fall to his side.

Robbe swallowed the morsel, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “It’s delicious.” He swiped his tongue across his lips hoping to catch any crumbs that may have fallen.

Sander’s eyes traced the movement. “Looks it.” His stare was intent, but soon he seemed to shake himself out of whatever fog he was in, looking around them. “We have a bit of an audience.” He noted, nodding in the direction behind Robbe.

Robbe turned, following his gaze. There were indeed some curious glances, but Robbe noted mostly the confusion that he spotted on the faces of his three best friends sat in plain sight of him. Robbe felt himself gulp. Turning back to Sander he said, “I should probably head over that way. Jens said he has something he wants to tell me.”

Sander nodded easily enough, accepting the excuse. “See you soon?” He asked.

As unused to as he was to the attention he was getting, Robbe still knew his answer immediately. “Yes.”

+

Robbe was able to avoid questions at lunch thanks to a timely bell, but he didn’t escape the questioning looks that his friends kept shooting his way even now in class. It at least gave Robbe the opportunity to figure out what he wanted to say.

Robbe didn’t know why Sander spoke to him. He had a growing suspicion, but Robbe was not one to act on anything but solid proof. So, he had to think of the answers he would give his friends. Something that would satisfy their curiosity but wouldn’t give away too much. As time passed and the end of class neared, he didn’t have long before he would need them.

+

“What the fuck was that at lunch?” Moyo began the minute he was out of the class door. His hand was resting on Robbe’s shoulder, steering him out of the crowd leaving class and into a corner of the school yard.

“What was what?” Robbe fiddled with his bag straps, hoping to put off the conversation as long as possible, or at least until Jens was present to be a buffer against Moyo when needed.

“You just sat down with the mute and had a conversation, seriously Robbe?” Moyo was shaking his head back and forth so quickly, Robbe worried for the brains he had in there.

“That was pretty bad ass.” Aaron said, beside Jens as the two of them joined the group.

“I told you he spoke already.” He acknowledged their blank stares. “Okay, I at least tried to. You guys we’re spouting all that mute stuff, and I couldn’t get a word in. He said something to me when we ran into each other at lunch.” Robbe looked to Jens, pleading for his friend to take control of the conversation with his eyes.

“All this time, I thought you were a bit of a quiet boring type. Who knew you had the ability to charm the dangerous mystery guy all along?” Moyo said, impressed.

Jens took pity on him when Robbe sent another beseeching look his way. “Is he nice?”

Robbe felt his cheeks heat up. “Yeah. He seems really cool. We’ve only talked a couple times.”

Jens nodded. “You like him?” Robbe couldn’t look him in the eye, so he ran a hand through his hair for an excuse to look away. He never talked about his sexuality explicitly to his friends, but he never acted interested in girls or their conversations about them, so it always seemed like they kind of knew. He wasn’t hiding anything, and everyone was always pretty accepting, but Robbe felt awkward talking about relationships with his friends. He had never had one, so what was the point? When he returned his gaze to his best friend, there was a hint of understanding in Jens’ eyes. “You should introduce him to us.”

“Yes!” Moyo said. “If we sat with him at lunch our popularity in school would shoot up! I heard he was kicked out of the other school for beating someone up, he would make us almost as cool as Senne. I could date all of the ladies!”

“Why would you get all the girls?” Aaron asked.

“You are hung up on Amber, Jens and Jana are on again off again every five minutes, and Robbe is allergic to everything that resembles going past flirting. It’s perfect for me. That is unless Sander is better with girls than he was with Britt the other day. He’s probably competition.” Robbe was constantly baffled by Moyo’s ability to make some observations so thoroughly yet be so oblivious to other clues. It was amazing.

Jens eyebrows had risen to his forehead. “On second thought, you don’t want to scare him away.” He nudged Robbe’s shoulder. “Just introduce him to me.”

Robbe laughed at the disgruntled chorus from the remainder of the group. “I’ll ask him if he wants to sit with us tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Tumblr: iwritetropesnottragedies.tumblr.com
> 
> Twitter: iwritetropes


	3. Invitations and Counter Offers

When Robbe extended the offer to Sander to sit with them the next time he saw him, he was made a counter one instead.

“That sounds nice, and I would say yes usually, but I have another idea. Do you want to go get fries?”

Robbe looked at Sander curiously. “They have fries at the cafeteria.”

Sander rolled his eyes. “But they taste better at the shop.” He cocked his head to the side, nodding towards the exit of the school. He was already walking past Robbe, headed out of the school. “Come.”

Robbe watched awhile as Sander made his way down the quad confidently, ignoring the looks following him. Robbe darted a glance at his friends, took in Jens’ questioning gaze, and shrugging his shoulders in answer, turned and followed blond hair out of the school.

“So, we’re getting fries?” Robbe asked, catching up to Sander.

“I’m taking you to get your mind blown.” Sander told him.

Robbe laughed. “Over fries?” He quieted slowly at the intense look Sander gave him.

“The best fries in the city. Really, I’m giving you an experience.” He broke out into a grin, and took hold of Robbe’s hand, leading him to a small hole in the wall not too far from the school.

Sander ordered for them, ignoring Robbe’s offer to pay his share, and sent him out into the sunlight to find a place the two could sit. Robbe found a bench under a tree in the square opposite the chip shop. He waited patiently for Sander to arrive, holding a grease stained paper bag and drinks. Sander smiled, handing Robbe a coke and siting sideways on the bench, one leg propped under him to fit.

“Get ready for the best meal of your life.” He said, opening the boxes in front of him. They were releasing steam, cheese and sauces spilling out onto the bag below. There were two croques located just under the pile of fries as well. Sander grabbed at Robbe’s hand when he reached forward to get some. “Uh-uh. There is a method to this madness.” He took hold of some fries, making sure they were covered with sauce, and pried open a croque placing them between the slices.

Robbe watched him curiously as he made his franken-croque but was quick to open his mouth at the offered bite. Biting down on the bread between Sander’s fingers, Robbe felt the explosion of tastes and textures in his mouth. He let out a quiet noise, leaning back with his eyes closed to savor the taste. When he opened his eyes again, Sander was watching him with a small smile. He let his tongue peek out to collect any crumbs on his lip, and watched as Sander mimicked the action before taking a bite from the sandwich he had offered Robbe.

“That good?” He asked when he finished chewing. At Robbe’s shy nod, he smiled. “I’ll make another then.”

They ate in relative quiet. Enjoying the meal, only stopping to make small comments on the taste and where Sander had found the small shop. Robbe enjoyed the sun on his face and Sander’s easy laughter when Robbe leaned so far back that he lost his balance, nearly sending himself off the bench below him. He enjoyed how Sander would reach forward to offer him a bite before taking his own, how his eyes always lingered on Robbe’s mouth afterwards, how his fingers traced Robbe’s when they met in the space between them.

It could have been minutes or hours when Robbe thought of school again. “We need to head back.” He said, standing to collect the trash between them and place it in the garbage.

Sander’s eyebrow rose. “Check the time Ijzermans.” Robbe did. It read 13:55. They were running late. “There is no use in heading back. You should just skip with me.” He suggested.

Robbe bit his lip, unsure what to do. He knew he should head back to class, but he really was enjoying being out with Sander. “I don’t know…” He said. What he meant was ‘convince me’.

Sander gave him such a wide-eyed look, that Robbe was a goner. He reached up from the bench he still sat on, holding Robbe in front of him to make sure the brunet saw his pout. “Please? I’d love to show you my favourite place.”

There was nothing that could be happening at school to make Robbe say no to that. “Where are we going?”

When Sander smiled, Robbe felt like the sun lost its shine in comparison. “I’ll show you.”

They walked slowly, Sander pointing out locations where he would hang out when he was still back in his other school, and in turn Robbe would point out where he and his friends spent their free time. It seemed amazing that despite their relatively close proximity, they never passed each other by chance before Sander transferred schools. Robbe was certain he’d remember that face.

Sander stopped when they reached they reached AP college. Robbe watched him with a suspicious smile on his lips. “Are you trying to tell me you’ve lied about being a high schooler this entire time?”

Sander laughed, jerking his head in the direction of the entrance, before turning to enter. “I don’t go here yet, but I will.” His tone was so serious, as if he was telling Robbe a fact so unshakeable that he had no choice but to believe it as well. “I want to show you my future.”

Robbe reached forward, emboldened by Sander’s words, and took his hand. If Sander wanted to share his future with Robbe, he would make sure he knew it was appreciated. Sander squeezed his hand, running his thumb over it to soothe the sting, before setting off further into the building, Robbe following behind him.

The university was bustling, as was to be expected in the middle of the day, and Robbe and Sander were made to snake through the throngs of students moving throughout the hallway. Robbe didn’t mind so much because it meant he kept pushing up against Sander as he pulled Robbe closer so that they did not get separated in the crowd. Sander slowed eventually, as the hallways emptied of students making their way to their next classes. He came to a stop in front of a class with wide windows displaying the events taking place within. A model stood in the center of the room, several eyes looking up at her before returning to the canvas in front of them. Line after line added to pieces, splashes of colour and shading as the model came to life on dozens of canvases, each with different style or focus from the other.

“I come here when it’s hard to think.”

Robbe looked with wonder at the images being created, and then turned to look at Sander the same way. “You want to do this?” He whispered.

Sander was staring transfixed at the model. “I want to do this.” He confirmed. “I want to draw both the beautiful and the dark things in the world. I want to sketch out the creations in my head and give them weight. I want to let every thought and feeling that has been present in my head bleed onto the page until they are recognizable to everyone who has ever felt them. And once I’ve done that, maybe I can stop thinking about some of them.”

Robbe squeezed Sander’s hand, realizing he was trembling. He felt Sander squeeze back. “Sander, I’m here if there’s anything you want to talk about.”

Sander shook himself from his daze, glancing to Robbe with a wobbly smile. “Talking isn’t very easy.”

Robbe nodded, he knew from experience that it was a truth after all. “Sometimes getting through the hard things make us feel better.” When Robbe looked into Sander’s green eyes, he saw nothing but someone lost at sea straining frantically to keep above water. Robbe wanted to be that helping hand, that lifeline for him. “Let’s go sit down, and we could talk. Or not.” When Sander nodded, Robbe pulled him out of the building and to a quiet space where they could get comfortable.

Sander took a long time to begin, but Robbe was patient, pulling at his hands and settling them into his own.

“You know the rumors about me at school?” Sander snorted at the expression Robbe made. “Right. Well they aren’t true. Well, not fully. I didn’t hurt anyone, not in a fight anyways. I had a sort of falling out with this person I thought was a friend. I learned something, and I didn’t react well to it. I lost control a bit. Some things went down that I wish never did… Things just got heavy, and after some of the things were said and did there was just no way that things could go back to how they used to be.”

Sander fell quiet, searching for his words. Robbe waited him out. He made sure to gently trace the veins of Sander’s hand, trying to provide whatever comfort he could as Sander shared something in turn with him. “We found out later that I was bipolar, but that didn’t make what happened okay, it just explained why I was acting how I did. My parents decided I should finish out the school year without that hanging over me. I guess I didn’t go to a school far enough away though, because the rumors about me got there before I did. Everyone talked about me, had these ideas of what I would be like, and it felt too tiring to fight them. So, I decided to just be silent instead. I just need to get through exams and then I get to leave the school and come here to do what I want. I’ll let my art talk for me, so I don’t have to rely on my words again.”

They were quiet for a long moment after that, both really thinking about what Sander shared. Robbe knew how much courage it took to say it. Robbe could see the weight that had fallen from Sander’s shoulders.

“Thank you for telling me.” Robbe said.

“I hope I get the nerve to tell you more.” Sander confessed. “I don’t find it easy to talk about myself.”

“Why did you talk to me then?” Robbe asked, hoping to lighten the somber mood. “I don’t fit your ‘wait until college’ plan.”

Sander looked at him, really looked at him. Robbe felt like he was being dissected, like Sander was searching for something hidden so deep within him, that once it was found and brought to light Robbe would be irrevocably changed. Sander’s guarded expression lightened, and he said simply, “Because you’re beautiful.”

Robbe felt his face heat, looking away from the intense gaze of those green eyes. He fiddled with Sander’s fingers still between his own. Sander pulled his hand away and raised it to Robbe’s face instead. Cupping his jaw, Sander lifted Robbe’s face to look at him. Robbe let him. As they looked at each other, Robbe felt his breath hitch when Sander’s thumb traced his bottom lip. Sander was watching his fingers move from his lip, to his cheek, and then through his hair to settle on his neck. His fingers played in the ends of Robbe’s hair and rested for a moment, as Sander looked at Robbe in question. Robbe nodded slightly, letting his eyes fall closed as Sander pulled him forward.

Their lips met softly, more gently than Robbe anticipated, and at first they just rested together, as if getting used to the sensation. Robbe let out a quiet sound, begging for movement and Sander answered it with his own. He surged forward pulling on Robbe’s lower lip with his teeth, demanding entrance. The kiss turned heavy and dirty as Robbe answered Sander’s every whim. When Sander pulled away, Robbe had to take a moment to regain his bearings.

“I’m really glad I read that right.” Sander said on a loud exhale. “You hold your cards pretty close to your chest.”

Robbe snorted. “It was obvious.”

Sander laughed loudly. “Yeah, but I wanted you to feel like you put on a good show. You didn’t seem like you were particularly out when I first got here.”

Robbe frowned. “I am pretty sure I showed interest the minute we met.”

Sander smiled. “Yeah, when you met me. But when I saw you with your friends before that, you had a bit of a wallflower quality to you.”

“You saw me before the lunch hall?”

“I saw you the first day I came.” Sander leaned forward for another quick kiss. “I had to get you to notice me somehow.”

“Are you telling me you were being serious last time? You walked into me on purpose?” Robbe asked incredulously.

Sander only answered with a wink, before once again pulling Robbe into a kiss. 

+

Robbe spent his evening researching bipolar disorder.

If he was going to spend more time with Sander, he wanted to have some knowledge of what it meant.

His mother suffered from mental illness, and he always wanted others to treat her with kindness and compassion rather than being judgmental. There was a fine line to research, however. Robbe wanted to know more, but he wanted Sander to share with him as well. Only Sander could explain how he worked, what things looked like for him, and how he felt and experienced his episodes.

So, Robbe researched, but he kept space for Sander’s specific experiences. They were the most important facts to Robbe.

+

When Robbe made his way to his locker door the next week, he found another paper lying in wait for him. He opened the folded page to find two lips connected in a deep kiss. He felt his cheeks heat as he looked at the line work, the way the mouths complemented each other, like puzzle pieces slotting together. When he had looked his fill, he turned to the words at the bottom _. I, I can remember standing by the wall, and the guns, shot above our heads and we kissed, as though nothing could fall._

Robbe held the note tightly, turning to add it to his growing collection on the side of his locker. He had had a sneaking idea of where the notes had been coming from, now he was all but sure.

“I knew you didn’t just find that first drawing.”

Robbe startled, turning to his friends and acknowledging Jens words with a shrug.

“Does Robbe have a secret admirer?” Moyo screeched teasingly, rocking Robbe’s shoulders back and forth.

“That’s so cool.” Aaron said, attempting to look into Robbe’s locker. “Do you think I should send Amber notes too? Do you like getting them Robbe?”

The group looked at Aaron blankly, afraid to give him any advice about his would-be girlfriend. Robbe refused to answer the second question entirely, looking to his shoes instead.

Jens cleared his throat. Robbe thought he was saving him from the question, but smirking, he asked his own. “Who keeps giving you those letters?”

Moyo pulled the locker door further open to look at the drawings. “Damn, do you really think some girl is crushing hard and sending you love notes?” Robbe watched as he studied the three notes.

Robbe couldn’t help but be reminded of Sander’s words the other day. He wasn’t a wallflower. Robbe wasn’t afraid of telling his friends. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I really hope it’s not a girl.”

Jens let out a sharp laugh at Robbe’s words, breaking down further at the look of confusion on both Moyo and Aaron’s faces. As realization seemed to dawn on his two friends, Robbe felt Jens pull him into a hug, whispering, “Sander?”

Robbe looked in his eyes but couldn’t find any judgement from his best friend. “Yeah.” He confirmed.

Jens smiled brightly. “You really have to invite him to sit with us.” He said in a quiet voice, his sincere gaze suggesting he took Robbe’s love life very seriously. “And maybe explain where the two of you disappeared to the other day.”

Robbe smiled in relief.

“We accepted you with your long hair phase, and your oversized clothing phase, and your no one understands me phase. I’m liking the current ‘I am more willing to talk about myself’ phase. Why wouldn’t we accept you now?” Jens said, louder. Even Moyo and Aaron were nodding along to Jen’s words.

Robbe brightened further. He trusted that he had made good friends, but he loved that Jens had just confirmed it for him.

“Wait, Robbe are you gay?” Aaron asked a moment later. His friends all stared at him blankly.

Robbe took pity on his friend, clapping a hand to his back and pulling him in the direction of their class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Tumblr: iwritetropesnottragedies.tumblr.com
> 
> Twitter: @iwritetropes


	4. New Friends and Old Acquaintances

Sander was once again extended an invitation to sit with Robbe and his friends at lunch. An invitation that Sander gladly accepted this time.

Robbe hadn’t informed his friends of Sander’s impending arrival before he settled down beside him without warning. Robbe smiled at Sander, noting how his blond hair shifted as he leaned into him, but his questing fingers aborted their mission before taking hold of Robbe’s hand. Robbe looked at Sander in question, but when he gestured to his friends in return, Robbe realized Sander was unsure how Robbe wanted to act in front of them.

Robbe studied his friends, it’s not that he worried about their opinions on the matter. After all, Jens had made it clear that he was fine with Robbe’s interests. More than fine really, encouraging. But they were at school, and there were already so many rumours surrounding Sander. Robbe didn’t want to add anymore gossip to his already heavy load. Even if this gossip happened to be true, and Robbe was very happy about that.

Instead of reaching for Sander’s warmth, Robbe smiled at him, bright and happy. “Hey. Welcome to the coolest spot in the yard.”

Sander snorted, pulling his hands to his lap as he started to play with them. “Cooler than where I was sitting anyways. I can’t say I have made it to the coolest though.”

“So, you two are actually like friends?” Moyo asked. Once again Robbe was reminded of the fact that although Moyo was perceptive, he could be so oblivious to what was happening around him. Considering how long it has taken Robbe to admit he was aware of Sander’s advances, they seemed to have that in common.

Robbe looked to Sander, who winked at him before turning a small smile to Moyo. “Something like that.” He confirmed.

“So then you won’t mind being our friend too?” Aaron asked.

Sander’s eyebrows raised, but after a short glance at Robbe he nodded reluctantly at Aaron.

Moyo looked gleeful. “This is great. We can totally get into the party now.”

“Party?” Robbe asked.

“The Uni one that a bunch of people are crashing. One of the upper year girls got invited. Apparently, she was told to bring some friends. With a cool guy like Sander with us, we can get in no problem.” Moyo explained.

“If its busy, can’t we get in either way?” Jens asked.

“Okay yeah.” Moyo agreed. “But I want to be cool and mysterious to the ladies there. Sander has enough of that for both of us.” Aaron nodded along easily enough.

Robbe could see something settle on Sander’s shoulders, heavy and uneasy as it weighed him down. “Do you know who could be there?” He asked nervously.

“Just a bunch of randoms. You won’t know anyone, I don’t think. Unless you know any Uni students.” Moyo reasoned. “I say you should come. It would make all of us like you better.”

Robbe snorted. “Sander doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to.” He looked directly at Sander when he said it, wanted him to be sure that Robbe meant it.

Sander was lost in thought for a moment, but he shook it off to respond. “Do you not want me to come, Robbe?” He teased, smiling.

Moyo punched at Robbe’s shoulder in warning. Robbe glared at him, rubbing his sore arm, before answering Sander beside him. “I’m not saying that. You just shouldn’t feel pressured.”

Sander leaned back on his arms, stretching them wide so that his fingers almost touched Robbe’s leg. He shot Robbe an exaggerated pout, a silent apology for egging Moyo on. “If that’s the case I might be interested in coming to that…”

“Really?” Aaron asked, excited.

“Yeah. If there are some cool people there.” His finger grazed Robbe’s pant leg again, and his eyes did not leave Robbe’s.

Robbe gulped. Letting his hand fall so that it settled close to Sander’s. “Well, we will be there.” He confirmed.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I think I’ll be able to make it.” Sander said brightly.

Despite the commotion of his friends around him, Robbe found he was focused on the way Sander’s pinky kept touching his.

+

“So, you’ll come to the party Friday, right?”

He had invited Sander to his house after school. It still made butterflies rustle in his stomach when he thought of how nervous he had been. The way Sander had licked his lips, a soft smile gracing his face, had made Robbe’s worry dissipate quickly, however. His quiet agreement had made Robbe want to invite him to stay.

Sander looked up from where he was sketching in his notebook, threw it carelessly to the side, and reached for Robbe’s hands, pulling at his arms until he got the memo to settle on top of him. “I will follow you across oceans, if you’d like.”

Robbe ran his hand through soft blond hair, feeling at the skin beneath it, it’s warmth and the way it made Sander shiver. “Following me to this party would be fine.”

Sander smiled, lacing their free fingers together and straining up for a kiss. “Is there anything I need to bring?”

“Yourself? Alcohol? A willingness to talk to people around you if I leave to grab a beer?”

Sander’s nose scrunched up. “I can’t and won’t bring that last one. You just simply can’t leave me alone.”

Robbe pulled at the hair in his hand in retaliation, he delighted in the dark look that overtook Sander’s eyes. “You liked the broerrrs just fine!”

Sander rolled his eyes, but the effect was lost by the way his thumb stroked the soft skin of Robbe’s hand. “They are funny. I will give them that, but nothing compares to you.”

“I’ll want beer though.” Robbe pouted. “And I might need to use the bathroom.”

“I’ll go with you.”

Robbe’s stare was less than impressed. “Sander.”

“Robbe.”

“You are not coming to the bathroom with me.”

“Then you might just need to understand you can’t go to the washroom at all. I’ll forgive you if there are any accidents. I promise to still like you after that.”

“You’re kidding.” Robbe pushed at Sander’s shoulders when he started to laugh uncontrollably. “Sander, you’re not funny. Please tell me you’ll be okay to be there. We can stay back if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Sander quieted at the serious tone. He pulled Robbe down for a kiss, only answering when they pulled apart. “Thank you. For asking. I want to go. I want to be friendly, and I want people to stop being scared of what I’ll do. I want to stop being scared of what I’ll do. Most of all, I want to spend time with you, and maybe, if you let me, I can show you off and let everyone know how lucky I am to have you. I want to go.”

Robbe studied Sander’s eyes, looking for a hint he could be uncomfortable with the situation despite his words. He didn’t find any. “Okay.” He breathed. “But if you are uncomfortable at any point, we can leave. I don’t want to add to anymore rumours about you.”

Sander leaned forward for another kiss. “You’re amazing.”

“Sander, seriously. I mean it.”

“I mean it too.”

+

It was busy. Bodies aligned together with little room to spare. They had commandeered a corner of the kitchen, but the group had to huddle close to hear each other. Robbe didn’t mind so much because it gave him the excuse to be so close to Sander in public. Even though he didn’t know the majority of people at the party, he worried that the two being seen together might spark rumours Sander didn’t need to deal with on top of the others.

It seemed he was the only one worried though, because Sander kept leaning forward to touch at Robbe’s hips, or changing positions to sling an arm over Robbe’s shoulder, or complaining he couldn’t hear anything before leaning into Robbe’s space. And with his breath beading on Robbe’s neck, Sander would ask for the things he had said to be repeated. Sander was currently occupying the space in front of Robbe, paying him more attention than the ruckus of the party taking place behind him.

Things were going well, the two were becoming more comfortable with touching each other in front of others. Robbe was becoming more sure of the way those touches made him feel. Although his friends suspected something was taking place between the two, nothing had really been confirmed regarding what Sander and his relationship was. He could tell by their curious looks, and the winks Jens kept sending his way, that they weren’t being subtle, but Robbe couldn’t find it within himself to want to stop.

Robbe felt a sudden shift in mood from Sander. His grip on Robbe’s hip tightened, and when Robbe looked to him, Sander was focused on something happening in the hallway. When Robbe poked him to get his attention, he saw how Sander’s eyes shifted. He shook out his shoulders as he expelled the sudden nervous energy. Turning back to Robbe, Sander let out a blinding smile, and leaned forward once again to speak to Robbe.

“Hi there, angel.”

“Is everything alright? You seem tense.” He let his fingers reach to smooth out the lines forming on Sander’s face.

“Just thought I saw some- you know what? It doesn’t matter.” He reached for Robbe’s questing hand and pulled it to his mouth, placing a soft kiss to his finger. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Sander there’s people here. I don’t want to cause anymore rumours for you.” But Robbe was slow to lower his hand.

There was a burst of noise from the living room, and startled, Robbe turned to it. “Should we go check what that was?” He asked, curious.

“No.”

Robbe let his hand fall, startled by the fierceness of Sander’s refusal. He tilted his head in question, silently asking him to elaborate. “I just don’t want to get caught up in anything. You have to trust me, Robbe.”

“You’d tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn’t you?” Robbe asked, he made sure his tone was gentle, not accusing Sander of withholding anything.

Sander looked behind him, quiet for a moment, before releasing a large smile on Robbe. Robbe noticed it didn’t reach his eyes. Sander’s gaze softened as Robbe held it though, and it caused something warm to settle in his stomach. “It’s not the time for sharing.” He said, leaning in to steal more of Robbe’s space. “Besides, how could anything be wrong when I’m with you?”

“Sander…” He whispered, letting his head fall onto Sander’s shoulder.

“I want to show you something.” It was quiet, whispered into Robbe’s ear, but it felt louder than the music around him.

Curious, Robbe nodded and let Sander lead him out of the kitchen, to one of the bedrooms set off from the main area where it was more secluded and quieter. “What do you want to show me?”

It seemed that Sander had other things on his mind, pressing Robbe into the door behind him as it closed, and demanding a kiss. His hands moved across Robbe’s body, splaying at his hips, before moving up to trace his waist and neck before settling in his hair and pulling at it. Robbe leaned back, giving Sander access to the skin there.

Robbe lost himself in the feeling Sander created within him. His awareness of what was happening around him narrowed down to the feel of lips and skin. They could be alone in the universe and Robbe would be none the wiser. He felt Sander’s fingers trace at his jeans, tickling the skin of his hips. “Sander… Sander wait.” He tried to pull himself out of the fog in his mind. “Sander.”

Sander leaned away from Robbe, giving him the space he so desperately needed to clear his head. “Baby, its you and me, only me. Tell me how you’re feeling.” He placed a soft kiss on Robbe’s lips, letting his hands fall from Robbe’s hips.

Robbe felt his shoulders loosen, a smile breaking onto his lips. “Can we take this slow, right now? We can continue this later, right? You have something to show me?”

Sander took a moment to compose himself, but he nodded at Robbe’s words and pulled away fully. “I’m not sure you can see it from here.” He moved towards the window, looking out of it for a moment, before turning to Robbe and gesturing for him to come forward. Robbe did so willingly. “Look to your left.” He said, moving his hands once more to Robbe’s hips and shifting him about as he wanted. “Near the university. Can you see it?”

It was small, not easy to see fully in the night’s sky, but Robbe could just make out the beginnings of a mural on the wall by the university. Swirls of blues and purple, bright bursts of yellow and white. A galaxy in the making. It was beautiful, reminding him of the stars in the sky, of the possibilities that were ahead of him. Of them.

There was an emptiness to it, though. A space in the center that looked as if it was longing to be filled. Robbe turned from it, looking to Sander, and felt like he was seeing a new part of his soul. A part that wasn’t available to him previously.

He leaned forward, kissing Sander and offering a part of himself to the other man in return for what he had shared. Sander clutched at his hips, letting Robbe card his fingers through his hair.

The atmosphere in the room shifted. It felt heavy. Like they were on the verge of something great, if they could just let themselves feel it, if they could just reach out for the stars above them.

If they could open up to each other.

“Sander do I know everything?” He whispered into the quiet. “Is there anything else I have to know before we do this? Whatever this is.”

Sander’s grip tightened, but he let his head fall back at Robbe’s words. It was as if his body was at odds with his mind. “Can’t we just stay here? We don’t have to worry about what’s going on outside of this moment. You care too much about what this looks like to others.”

“You aren’t answering my question.” Robbe noticed how Sander would not look at him in the eye. “Sander is everything okay?”

“Robbe, can’t you just leave things be? You are wonderful, and I want to keep you as far from the things that happened at my old school as possible. You’re a lifeline, and I’m not ready to share any more about what led to me drowning in the water around me there. Let’s just be happy here and now without worrying about later.”

Robbe felt like he was under attack, stripped bare, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t know Sander completely yet, and as much as he wanted to, he didn’t think he could take any more steps forward without that knowledge.

So, he stepped back. Letting his hands fall from Sander’s hair and forcing Sander’s hands to fall from his hips in turn.

“We should head out.” Robbe whispered, breaking whatever spell had overtaken the room.

Sander stood alone. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but the words escaped him. Robbe wondered if he had ever encountered someone who looked so lonely, other than perhaps himself on the nights when he let himself feel it.

Not wanting Sander to feel that way, he stepped forward again, reaching out a hand to take Sander’s and leading them to the door. “Come with me?” He was asking for more, and he thought Sander understood that.

“Anywhere.” Sander replied.

Robbe hoped he meant it, and that he knew Robbe felt the same.

+

They didn’t make it across the hallway to the kitchen.

“Sander!”

The shout was loud. Robbe could feel Sander stiffen beside him, the hand Robbe was holding fell to Sander’s side, Robbe’s tight within it. Robbe turned, looking to find the person who had shouted, and spotted a group of boys he did not recognize in the living room.

“Sander?” He asked quietly, pulling at the hand that clasped his.

Sander tightened his grip, pulling Robbe away from the living room and toward the kitchen. “We should go.”

“Where are you trying to get to so quickly?” A tall brunet called from the center of the group. “It’s been so long. We should catch up.” He eyed Robbe as he left his seat and walked towards the two, before taking in their hands still bound together. “And who is this? Have we moved on so quickly? Introduce us.”

Sander let his hands fall from Robbe’s, raising to his full height. “Leave it, Adam.”

Robbe looked between the two, confused by Sander’s weary look and by the look of disgust on the face of Adam.

“No, I don’t think I will.” He turned to Robbe. “Are you sure you want to be out with him? Didn’t you hear the rumours about him being crazy? It’s true.”

Robbe wanted to deny it, to call out the man for being an asshole, but Sander didn’t give him the chance. He pushed Adam so roughly, that the other man hit the wall behind him. “Haven’t you done enough?” Sander yelled, pulling even more eyes towards them.

Adam didn’t reply, instead he lunged forward to punch at Sander, and as they began to fight with each other, the crowded room took notice. Robbe tried to pull Sander off the other man, and Adam’s friends joined to separate the two. He took a couple hits himself, but he was so desperate to separate Sander from the group he barely noticed. It was so chaotic that Robbe lost sight of bleach blonde hair, and soon he was pulled out of the fray and into the kitchen, fighting the pull before he realized it was Jens.

“What?” He asked, turning to try to get back to the fight, but Jens held him still. “I have to go back there.” Robbe said, but when he turned back to the hallway, it was to see the group getting kicked out of the house. Robbe couldn’t see Sander among the remaining crowd.

Robbe looked to Jens betrayed, but stayed still as his best friend placed a pack of peas from the freezer on his cheek. “Just let me help.” Jens said. All the boys were fussing over Robbe, even though he didn’t want it.

“I don’t need help. Sander does.”

“You can’t help him right now. They’ve all been kicked out. Let’s get you settled and then you can go help him.” Moyo said.

Robbe didn’t want to wait, and he thought Moyo’s advice was terrible. Robbe wouldn’t want to be alone if he were Sander.

“You shouldn’t hang out with him. Sander.” Came a quiet voice. It was one of the boys that had been sat with Adam.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Robbe asked. He had no interest in hearing from anyone who would treat Sander like that.

“I know he seems like an asshole, but Adam has a reason to hate Sander. He hurt his little brother last year.”

Robbe didn’t want to entertain it, but the rumours that were floating around when Sander first came to the school returned unbidden. He thought about Sander’s words, about how he said he could be dangerous.

“What happened?” Jens asked from beside him.

“Sander was living chaos at school. Loud and popular. He was really close with Adam’s brother, Nathan. Last year, he went crazy over the top, even more than usual. He ended up painting the school hallway with some message to Nathan. He broke in at night and defaced school property. Turns out he had become obsessed with Nathan. That’s not the worst part though. Nathan didn’t like what Sander did, told him to stay away, but Sander didn’t. He followed Nathan around, would scare him by just showing up out of nowhere. And one day, Nathan showed up to school with bruises all over him. He wouldn’t say who did it, but he wouldn’t let Sander near him. Adam told everyone that Sander had cornered him on his way home and attacked him. Nathan wouldn’t admit to anything, but the way he avoided Sander said enough. Sander didn’t come to school after that. Not at first. He tried to come after a couple weeks, but the damage was done. Everyone had heard about how dangerous he was, and no one wanted to be around him. He didn’t deny anything, either. Just left.”

The kitchen was quiet, everyone listening to what was said.

“That’s bullshit.” Robbe whispered. “Did you even hear Sander’s side of the story?”

The man shook his head. “It’s not. You should hear Adam talk about it. I’m trying to warn you. You don’t want to be his new obsession. He’s dangerous.”

Robbe looked to the man defiantly. “It sounds to me like you heard one story and liked it so much, you didn’t care to hear the other side.” He shook off Jens’ hand on his shoulder. “I’m going to find Sander.”

The other man scoffed, letting Robbe push past him to leave the kitchen. “Fine. Don’t believe me. But I bet there is a reason he didn’t tell you everything that happened at school. Why you didn’t know about Adam and Nathan.”

Robbe glared at the man, turning to leave.

He didn’t find Sander when he went outside.

He couldn’t find him the rest of the night, no matter where he looked.

+

Sander wasn’t at school the next Monday.

Or the rest of the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of a bump in the road.
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read. Let me know what you think :)
> 
> Find me at:
> 
> tumblr: iwritetropesnottragedies.tumblr.com
> 
> twitter: iwritetropes


	5. Conversations and Treasure Hunts

Robbe spent most of his free time in school looking out to see if he could spot a blond head rushing down the hallway or seated under a tree in the school yard. It was as if Sander had disappeared from the school, and it worried Robbe like nothing else.

There were rumours, starting out quiet, but growing insidious as they began to take root in the minds of the student body. Robbe heard how Sander had gotten in a fight last week, how he had to stay at home to sort out his injuries, but the other guy went to the hospital. Someone claimed to have seen a video of Sander running wild in the city center. He had apparently been skipping classes and vandalizing school and city property.

Robbe would sometimes sneak into the bathroom he found Sander in the second time they spoke, and he would look at the doodles that had been made on the walls. There were hundreds of them now. Space created across the walls, planets and stars littering what were once empty spaces. There were drawings of spaceships and aliens, meteor showers and blackholes. In the furthest stall from the door, still unfinished, was the river Robbe had found Sander making. The quote now taking an eerie tone on, and the shoes left on the side of the river worrying Robbe.

When Sander still hadn’t shown up by Wednesday of the next week, students started talking about how he had been expelled from this school too. It seemed ridiculous, but the more that Robbe didn’t see Sander, the more he worried there was a little truth to the statement.

So Robbe kept an eye out, hoping that the rumours were just that, and that Sander would waltz into the school as if nothing had happened.

+

Robbe went to his locker later that week, opening it quickly and almost missing the sheet of paper that fell loosely to the floor.

Robbe bent down quickly to pick it up, almost ripping the paper in his urgency to open it. He found a drawing of the back of a head, hair curled and messy from behind. Stray hairs falling haphazardly across a smooth neck. There was a hand raised with fingers sprawled in the hair, and the neck was swallowed in a large wrinkled jacket. The line work was messier than usual, dark and bold, but Robbe could feel deeply the emotion that exuded from the drawing.

He bypassed the drawing quickly, looking instead for the words he knew would be written underneath it. _You’d like to know me well, but I’ve got things inside my head that even I can’t face_. Robbe looked at the words, and knew he had to talk to Sander. He shouldn’t ever be made to feel so alone. Robbe knew he must be in the school if he had left the note

Robbe spent his time before the bell looking for Sander, trying to spot him in the sea of students rushing about. When Robbe finally spotted a downturned head sitting alone in the hall, ignoring the rustling feet about him and the looks shot his way, Robbe made a beeline towards him.

He didn’t make it to Sander before a teacher did. “Mr. Driesen, you need to make your way to the principal’s office to explain your absence.” Sander did not respond. “Mr. Driesen did you hear me?” Still nothing. “Do I have to take you there myself?”

Robbe watched as Sander stood to his full height, as he towered over the teacher in front of him without saying anything. Sander stood silently, staring blankly at the man in front of him. The lack of action on his part made him seem more menacing than ever before. When Sander moved forward the teacher stepped back, alarmed, but Sander only bypassed him, walking out the double doors at the end of the hallway and through the yard and finally the front gates.

The hallway erupted into noise.

It only really died down when the bell rang, and students had to make their way to class. Robbe was pulled along in the current of other students, but his mind was out of the building and his heart had followed.

+

“You have to talk to him the next time you see him.” Moyo said during a lull in class when groups could work together.

Robbe’s fingers were carding through his hair, ignoring the conversation around him as word buzzed about what had happened that morning. “How do I do that? He isn’t even here anymore.”

“You two have been attached at the hip.” Moyo reasoned. “Don’t you know enough about each other to know where he is? Or was it all sex and no conversation?”

“I’m not- we weren’t…” Robbe tried to explain, shocked by Moyo’s words. Maybe he wasn’t as oblivious as Robbe had thought. “We aren’t together…”

“Please.” Moyo said. “You two couldn’t have hidden that worse if you were actually trying. It’s obvious you two like each other. I get you’re quiet about your feelings Robbe, but you two may as well have screamed it out loud.”

Robbe could feel his headache worsen.

“Leave him alone, Moyo.” Jens said beside him. “There is clearly something going on. Instead of being an asshole, try having a conscience.”

But Moyo was right. Robbe should know where he is, and if he didn’t know where to start, he should still be out looking. He let Sander walk out of the party without him, he let Sander sit alone at home thinking god knows what, and today he let Sander leave again.

“He’s right though. There is nothing but talk about how he’s a problem, about how we should be worried about him. I wouldn’t want to be here either, especially if the last guy I trusted with my heart suddenly didn’t seem to care the way I thought he had. If he showed signs he was unsure of us.” Aaron said, playing with his hands and unwilling to look at Robbe in the eyes.

And that only made Robbe feel so much worse. “I’m not unsure of us! He’s not dangerous, and he’s not a problem. I don’t want him thinking I don’t want this. I was just trying to keep him from being talked about more. The rebel from the other school suddenly dating some quiet boy? He’d be even more of an outsider. I just need to talk to him. To explain myself.”

“Robbe we know you care. You made that obvious at the party, but he wasn’t there to hear that. We know it, the party knows it, but Sander only knows that he’s the only thing being talked about and that already drove him out of one school.” Jens said. He rubbed Robbe’s shoulder in commiseration. “You need to voice your thoughts because people can’t read them Robbe. You were worried about keeping Sander from being hurt any more, but to him it might have looked like you were pulling away.” He dropped his hand and looked to the sky. “I’ve never thought you would be the one with relationship trouble. Jana and I seem easy compared to your mess.”

Robbe had wanted Sander to share more with him, but he didn’t think of the fact that he was keeping his own thoughts close to his heart. Robbe was guilty of the same secret keeping that Sander was. Robbe looked up from his lap, resolved. “I need to go find him.”

“Damn right you do, lover boy.” Moyo said.

“Can we come?” Aaron asked. “I don’t like next period anyways, and four eyes are better than one.”

Robbe shrugged, grateful to his friends. When the bell rang, together they made their way out of the school yard and into the city.

+

They walked aimlessly at first, checking streets and areas around the school in hopes Sander hadn’t made it too far. There was always a chance he had just went home, and if he did Robbe had no way of knowing how to contact him before he next made his way to school. If he bothered showing up again at all.

So they kept looking, because Robbe wasn’t willing to give up hope, and they hadn’t been all over the city yet, so there was still a little hope left to cling to.

Robbe thought to check out the chip shop they had visited together, and the park nearby in case Sander had chosen to deal with the events of the day with a meal. But he wasn’t there, and there didn’t seem to be any sign that he was there before.

Robbe had just begun to give up, even with the help from his friends there was no sight of Sander, when Jens asked, “Are you saying you skipped school and spent the whole day together, and he only brought you out to eat?”

Robbe was up and running before the boys could think to follow. He shouted, “I think I know where he is, don’t wait for me!” He left the three boys there, knowing exactly where he was headed.

+

There was no one in the hallway of the university when Robbe arrived. He searched up and down, checked rooms near it, and watched the art class that Sander had showed him when they last went out. He had nearly given up hope, when he spotted a rumpled paper on the floor near the class window.

Robbe bent to pick up the sheet, sure that it was Sander’s. the paper had a sketch of the same model currently sat in the art class. The drawing was quick and hurried and likely abandoned for being imperfect. It gave Robbe hope. Sander had not gone home. He had been here recently. Robbe just had to figure out where he went.

Robbe wandered aimlessly about the campus and its local streets, contemplating where Sander may have went. He thought back to the party, and how hard it must have been for Sander to see Adam after so long. He wasn’t angry; he wasn’t dangerous, but no one believed him or stood by him. Robbe had wanted to, but he didn’t. Instead Sander left that party alone, he didn’t know how Robbe felt. He hadn’t been there to see that Robbe had stood by him, that Robbe didn’t just back down when things got rough.

Getting upset, Robbe couldn’t help but to think about how that night had started so right. He was waiting for Sander, his friends were encouraging, Sander had been so good that night. Things had felt so right. Sander had been so kind, so attentive towards him. He had even shared his hard work and passion with Robbe. Including him in it and actively drawing for him where others could see it.

Robbe knew where to look.

+

“Hey.” There was no acknowledgement at his words.

Sander was sat in front of his mural, looking intently at it, but he was doing little else. On his lap lied a sketch book and pencil, but both were limp, and nothing was on the page he had opened it to.

“Sander.” Robbe bent down, trying to get his attention, but he wouldn’t look away from the mural. “I’ve been looking for you. I even got my friends to help. We were worried about you. I’m so happy I found you.”

Sander finally looked up, acknowledging Robbe’s presence. His eyes were lined by dark bags and he looked tired, just like he had that morning. As if even being outside was a chore. “Did you believe it?”

“I- what? Sander?” Robbe took hold of Sander’s hand. He didn’t pull away, but his hold was slack despite Robbe’s tight grip. “Believe what?”

“Did you believe what they said. At the party, and what everyone was saying at school?” He seemed so dejected. Robbe’s heart ached.

“I want to know enough about you, your truth, that I don’t need to just believe. I will know.” Robbe whispered, petting at the hand he was still holding. Hoping it provided Sander the comfort Robbe so badly wanted to give him. “I believe in you, but I want to know you too.”

Sander’s eyes were shining, but not how Robbe liked, not with happiness, not how he wanted Sander to feel. “I want you to believe in me, to know me…”

He could see that Sander was struggling with what to say, but his grip was growing stronger, and he was beginning to hold Robbe’s hand in return. Robbe wanted Sander to feel safe with him, and he wanted Sander to know he felt safe in return. Robbe made sure to face him, making it clear he was focused and listening to all that Sander needed to say.

“Sander, I’m sorry if it seemed like I was pulling away. I wanted to make things easier for you. You have enough rumours to deal with, and I didn’t want to add to the gossip you already get. It’s been pointed out to me that it might have looked like I wasn’t interested. But I do want to know more. It was unfair of me to ask more of you without giving more of myself in return. Let’s both share with each other. If you are comfortable, you can tell me. Please.” He felt Sander squeeze his hand, and comforted by the gesture, Robbe returned it.

Sander took a deep breath. “I was having an episode.”

Robbe blinked. “Okay.” He waited for Sander to continue, but when he seemed unsure where to start, Robbe prompted further. “When?”

“During the Adam thing. Both times, actually. A year ago, and at the party.”

“You were manic?” Robbe looked back on their time at the party. Sander had been excited and upbeat leading up into that night, and the mural must have taken a lot of energy, but it didn’t seem remiss, or nearly as extreme as his research had suggested.

“I was. My manic episodes used to be worse before I was diagnosed. With the therapist I see, and my medication, things tend to be less intense for me now. My depressive episodes are worse. That’s why I wasn’t at school. I couldn’t get out of my bed last week, let alone deal with all the talking everyone must have been doing.”

“Are you feeling better now?” Robbe knew it to be false as soon as he said it. Sander still looked rough, and this morning he had seemed unresponsive.

“Better, but not one hundred. I can’t afford to miss much more school. Not that I thought of that when I left today.”

“That teacher was a dick. The principal will understand.”

“I hope. She seems kinder than my last one.”

Sander brought them back to the topic of the party, just like that. Robbe squeezed the hand still in his hold and leaned forward to brush Sander’s fringe from his eyes. He waited for Sander to feel ready.

Robbe saw how Sander squared his shoulders, as if running into battle before Sander gathered the energy and said, “I was good friends with Adam’s brother, Nathan. We spent a lot of time together, and Nathan shared with me one day that he was gay.” He took a deep breath. “I was happy he told me, I was really open about being pan, and it took a lot of courage for him to say anything. Especially because his brother didn’t like it. He didn’t like me, and he thought that Nathan being gay meant we were going to date. One day Nathan asked if he could kiss me, just to see. I didn’t really think anything of it, kissing felt good so why wouldn’t I, you know? So I agreed. And then Adam walked in on us. I still remember how much he screamed. He threatened Nathan, told him to stay away from me; that I was the only reason he thought he was gay.”

Robbe watched Sander, how he was thinking out each word thoroughly, trying to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it.

“I went home and just replayed it over and over in my head. How could Adam think what he did was right, but what we were doing was wrong? I was in the middle of a manic episode, and I decided that people deserved to know that love could never be wrong. So, I broke into school one night and painted one of the walls in the main foyer, right next to the front office. It was bright and colourful and a bit of a mess, honestly. In the center, there was a quote _, And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through._ It’s from a song we both loved.”

Sander pulled at Robbe’s hand, pulling him forward, looking for support that Robbe was more than willing to give him.

Searching Robbe’s eyes, he must have found something he was looking for, because Sander continued. “It wasn’t anything that could be linked to Nathan, not unless you were close to us. We used to talk about Bowie all the time. It was meant to be a sign of support, one that Nathan couldn’t get in trouble for. I didn’t think about his brother. Adam recognized what it was from. He went on a rampage; told me I poisoned his brother with his thoughts, but it was worse for Nathan. I don’t know what happened, but I do know that when I saw Nathan next, he wouldn’t talk to me. Adam went around telling everyone I scared Nathan. That Nathan felt pressured to be around me, and that if I were allowed around him it would end up with me hurting him. My episode didn’t help my case either. I was definitely acting erratic. Not too long after that I started my depressive episode. You know the rest.”

“Fuck.”

Sander startled into a laugh. “Yeah. It was a lot... I understand if you need time away from all of this.”

“Fuck time, Sander. I believe you. I believed before. Now I know the truth. I can be there for you now. You are not to be blamed for circumstance. Adam’s a dick and so is everyone else for not trying to understand what was going on. They failed you, and they failed Nathan.” Robbe took Sander into his arms, feeling how he shuddered as his weight fell completely on Robbe. “Sander, I am happy with you. I want to be with you. I want to know you. Fuck this danger shit. Fuck Adam and fuck anyone who wants to believe that you’re not worth fighting for.”

“You’re an angel.”

“I’m a person, one that wants to fight for you despite all the mistakes I’ve made. You deserve happiness, and I want to give it to you.” Robbe pulled at Sander’s hair, asking him to lift his head from Robbe’s shoulder. He kissed the top of his head, and when he finally acquiesced, he kissed the lips that were now available to him. They tasted of salt and were wet from the tears Sander let fall. He looked beautiful, but Robbe didn’t want him to feel this way. “Sander, trust in me too. Please. We can be strong together. We can face the rumours, and the gossip, and uncertainties together.”

Sander initiated the kiss this time, spending long moments still on Robbe’s lips, and then pulling back to look into Robbe’s eyes, before diving back to kiss him again. “You promise?”

“For as long as we both want this, I promise.”

“For forever, then.” Sander’s eyes looked at him deeply, a question within them.

Robbe hoped he answered it. “Okay.”

+

They spent their afternoon by the college. Admiring the artists and their work on the streets surrounding it. They ate from the same chip shop from their first date and shared their meal and drink. They returned to the mural that Sander had started.

“It looks nice.” Robbe said, gesturing to the mural and its galaxy of colours.

Sander tilted his head, taking in the mural himself. He looked to Robbe. Eyebrow raised. “It’s unfinished.”

Robbe nodded, accepting the truth. “But you didn’t know what you wanted to add to it when you started it. Not really.”

Sander was looking at the mural again. “No.”

“But now you do?”

Sander turned to regard Robbe. After a moment he replied. “Yeah. I think I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go! (It will be a bit more of an epilogue style)
> 
> Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Let me know what you think; I love hearing from anyone and everyone :)
> 
> Find me: 
> 
> tumblr: iwritetropesnottragedies.tumblr.com
> 
> twitter: iwritetropes


	6. Confirmations and Declarations

Returning to school was not easy. Rumours had spread like wildfire, and Robbe was a subject of just as much scrutiny as Sander before him. If Sander was dangerous, Robbe was broken. He was sad and something to pity. It was no surprise he was fine with Sander being crazy, after all his mother was unwell too. Robbe was lonely, he had nobody but a small group of friends, of course he was seduced by the first man to give him attention.

Robbe knew it was best to ignore the comments, the whispers by people in his grade. Robbe had never given them something to talk about and with his gossip now involving Sander it was sure to be a big deal, at least for a short while. Eventually, when things calmed down and some new event took the attention away from them, it would not return. After all, people did not like to gossip about two teens in love. Not when they were happy, and that’s what Robbe and Sander were. There was no drama in that.

Robbe would wait for that day to arrive, the same way that he waited for Sander to exit the principal’s office early the next day at school.

When he did, his head was bent low and his shoulders slumped. Robbe felt his breath catch before Sander lifted his head to show off a brilliant smile. Running forward to lift Robbe into a hug in the center of the empty hallway.

“We’re all good.” Sander whispered into his shoulder.

Robbe pulled back to smile at Sander. “So, I’m stuck seeing you at school from now on?”

“You’re stuck seeing me forever, babe.” Sander pulled at one of Robbe’s curls to annoy him, letting his fingers still at the nape of the brunet’s neck.

Robbe’s smile brightened. “What a lovely sight.”

+

The two made their way to their lockers, getting ready for the school day ahead of them. First to Sander’s than to Robbe’s. Neither wanted to part after finally settling into a space where both felt comfortable and at peace.

Robbe opened his locker swiftly, ready to spend the short time before the bell sat in the hallway in front of his class, when a paper fell swiftly from the open door to the floor. Robbe looked down at the sheet, before looking to Sander, eyebrow raised in a question.

Sander acknowledged the question with a blank stare. “Weird. I wonder what that is, Robbe.”

Robbe snorted, bending to pick up the stray sheet. He opened it to find another drawing, just as he expected. This one was intricate in its detail. Each line expertly placed to bring to life the image it created. Thick strokes and thin combining to create a sense of happiness. The feeling the picture depicted mirrored with the happiness that it created within Robbe. On the page before him, Robbe saw himself. Smile wide and eyes closed in happiness. His head was leaning back into the hand just visible at the base of his neck. His hands in turn, were placed first on the shoulder and second in the blond hair of the man before him. Sander’s smile in the drawing mirrored his own. Written just below the image were the words: _Though we're strangers until now we're choosing the path between the stars. I'll leave my love between the stars_.

Robbe looked up from the drawing, and into the green eyes smiling before him. “I knew it was you.”

Sander laughed, and it was the sweetest sound. When he quieted, Sander pulled a serious face, cocking his head to the side as he regarded Robbe. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“I knew it was you right away, I swear it.” Robbe was flustered by Sander’s teasing refusal to acknowledge his part in sending Robbe notes. “I saw you drawing in the bathroom, and I knew it was you.”

Sander dropped his confused act. “And I knew it was you, the moment I saw you.” Sander said seriously.

Robbe poked at his chest, shy at the words Sander spoke so freely. Before Robbe could reply however, the bell rang, and Sander was leaving with only a wink in Robbe’s direction.

Robbe watched him go, until his eyes couldn’t spot him in the sea of students any longer. Then he made his way to his own class.

+

Robbe sat in the middle of his friends, quietly listening to their words as he focused on his lunch instead of taking part in the conversation. He was happy to listen to their worries and achievements, rather than focus on his own.

Sander slumped down next to him unceremoniously. His smile was bright, and Robbe was happy to return it.

Like the last time they were in the yard, Sander moved to clasp Robbe’s hand but aborted his attempt before he reached it. He let his hand fall to his side, playing with the grass they sat on. He was still unsure of whether Robbe was interested in sharing their status with a school so caught up in student gossip.

Robbe made his thoughts on the matter clear when he reached out for Sander’s hand himself, pulling it into his lap. He forgot his friends were even present, he was blinded by how bright Sander’s smile was. Sander couldn’t contain it, rocking backwards and then forward into Robbe’s space as he leaned in for a kiss Robbe happily accepted.

“So, are you two finally boyfriends then?” Moyo asked when they pulled apart.

Robbe looked down in embarrassment, picking at Sander’s fingers interlaced with his own. Sander’s voice was loud, his head held up in pride when he answered. “Yes.” He looked to Robbe for confirmation. “At least, I want to be.”

Robbe nodded, turning to his friends. “We’re boyfriends then.”

If the fact that Sander was actively interacting with a group of kids hadn’t gotten the attention of a great deal of the students around them, the loud woops from his friends sure did.

“This is so good for us!” Moyo exclaimed only to be punched by Jens from beside him.

“He means we’re happy for you two.” Jens corrected him. “At least I hope that’s what he meant.”

“We are definitely happy.” Aaron confirmed, nodding. “Amber will be really happy to hear it too, when I tell her.”

“Why would Amber be happy to hear that?” Robbe asked in confusion.

“She wanted to invite Sander to Jana’s party, but she didn’t want to get shot down like Britt did.” Aaron explained. Robbe felt Sander flinch beside him. “This takes care of that.”

Sander was rubbing his thumb back and forth across Robbe’s hand. “I do feel bad about that. I just had my eyes on another boy already.”

“That and you were enjoying being the mysterious bad boy.” Robbe teased.

Sander’s eyes filled with mischief. “Anything to make that boy interested.” Robbe really wanted to kiss the small smile that settled on his boyfriend’s lips, so he did.

“Oh, you guys are gonna be gross.” Jens said.

Robbe flipped him off for the comment, happy despite the teasing because nothing was going to keep him from tasting the sunshine from Sander’s lips whenever he wanted.

+

The party was roaring. Even Robbe, stashed in a small corner of the kitchen with his friends, was overwhelmed by all the bodies bumping into him. Although he recognized most of the students from his school, pushed together throughout the house, there were many faces he was not familiar with. Their presence was making him uncomfortable, as they took up his space while he kept an eye out for Sander’s arrival.

They had originally agreed to come together, but Sander had gotten caught up in some task or another at home and urged Robbe to make his way to the party without him. Sander had promised to come shortly after he finished, but Robbe was regretting his decision not to wait him out as his view of the door became worse and worse.

He shook himself to rid the bad mood that was settling around him and listened to the conversation his friends were taking part in. He was just getting into a debate about the latest Fifa game with Jens, when he felt arms wrap around his middle from behind. Instinctively he leaned into the body behind him, tilting his head to the side and welcoming the kiss to his temple before turning fully towards the green eyes that were boring into him.

“Hi babe.” Sander whispered into his ear.

Robbe tilted his head, asking for a kiss hello. Sander willingly obliged. “Hi. I missed you.” Robbe loved the way Sander’s eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. “What took you so long to get here?”

“It’s a secret.” Sander’s smirk was pure sin. “At least for now.” Robbe was more than a little curious about what that could mean, but he was distracted soon enough by the arrival of drunken bodies to the kitchen.

“So, you aren’t taking our warning?” A voice rang out over the music.

Sander tensed against Robbe.

Robbe turned to regard the man who spoke out. It was Adam and his friend. The same friend who had warned Robbe at the last party. The man who had suggested Sander was the problem, not Adam. Robbe looked at them with disgust. “I don’t need warnings from people who will believe homophobes over Sander.”

The man scoffed. “Didn’t you get the full story from Sander? He hurt Nathan.”

“You’re an idiot if you ever believed that, and you were never a friend to Sander.” Robbe held tight to his boyfriend, refusing to let himself be shamed for his sexuality. “If Nathan has you two as support, I feel sorry for him. He deserves better, and so does Sander.”

Adam moved forward, anger clear in his eyes. “If you decide to be like Sander, that’s your choice, but I won’t let you suggest my brother is anything like you.”

Sander stepped in then, moving in front of Robbe and blocking him from Adam’s view. “The only time I did something wrong to Adam is when I let him stay near you. I should have been there for him even after your threats. You’re disgusting, and you’re not coming near me or my boyfriend again.”

Adam froze, looking between Robbe and Sander with disgust. “You really think what you two are is okay?”

His friend jerked, looking to Adam in confusion. “Wait. Is That really your problem with him?”

“Why are you even here?” Jens interrupted. “We don’t want your negativity here. Robbe is our friend, and Sander is his boyfriend. You can fuck off now.” He said it so nonchalantly, so easily that Robbe could do nothing but smile at his friend.

“Yeah. Fuck off.” Aaron said. Moyo nodded next to him.

“Tell your brother if he wants support, we are here for him. He needs to stay the fuck away from you, and you need to stay away from us.” Robbe said, reaching for Sander’s hand and squeezing tightly. He felt Sander squeeze his in return.

Adam scoffed, but seeing he had lost the support of the room, he was quick to step back. “Whatever.” He said, leaving the room and the party.

His friend watched him go, torn between what he had witnessed and what he had been told to believe. He looked to Sander, who nodded stiffly, before moving to leave the room. “I’ll talk to Nathan for you.”

“I’m here if he needs me.” Sander said, earnest. Robbe nodded beside him.

The man left.

Sander turned to Robbe exhaling loudly. “I could kiss you.” He admitted.

Robbe smiled. “Please.” He said, accepting happily when Sander leaned forward. He noticed eyes on them when they parted. “You can continue to party. Drama over.”

Slowly, eyes drifted from their direction when it became obvious there would be no other entertainment coming from them tonight.

Sander only had eyes for Robbe, and Robbe was happy to have the attention.

Sander leaned forward to whisper in Robbe’s ear. “I could love you.” He breathed.

“Could?” Robbe asked.

“Easily.” Sander confirmed.

Robbe leaned back, looking Sander in the eye. “I give you permission.”

Sander’s smile was wide. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Robbe whispered onto Sander’s lips.

++

The party was in full swing. Robbe was in the center of it, watching as his friends filmed ridiculous things, and as Aaron followed Amber around like a puppy, and as Sander held him close swaying back and forth.

They were in their own world, the music pulsating between them. Robbe could feel Sander’s hands heavy on his waist, the way they pulled him in closer. He was letting little puffs of air fall onto Robbe’s neck, and the warmer they felt on his skin, the less aware of his surroundings Robbe felt.

“I have something to show you.” Sander whispered into his skin.

“Again?”

“I always want to show you things.”

“I always want to see them.”

Sander pulled back from Robbe, taking his hand and pulling him to a quiet corner of the house, arranging them so that Robbe could see out of the window and onto the streets of Antwerp once more.

It was easier to spot this time, shining under the city lights used to brighten the night’s sky. Robbe could easily make out the mural on the wall by the university. It had changed since the last time he had seen it. A man’s back was prominent, brown jacket and curls giving Robbe a hint as to who it was supposed to be. He was stepping out into the galaxy of colours, the details he could not see fully from afar, but he could make out a hand reaching out for him, and his own reaching back for the hand in return.

“Sander…” He began, not sure what to say.

“It isn’t finished yet, but soon it will be. There are going to need to be more stars and bursts of colour. I thought I would add a quote to it too. One from one of the notes you got. _I'll leave my love between the stars…_ I want it to mean something. A world of opportunity ahead of you. The hands that are there are meant to give you support, you can lead them into the world of the unknown, they will follow you anywhere… if you want them to.”

Robbe turned from the mural, looking into the shy green eyes in front of him. “I want them to.” He breathed, leaning forward to pull Sander in for a kiss. “I want all of it.” He repeated.

Sander’s eyes were bright in the dark room. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Sander breathed, forehead coming to rest on Robbe’s shoulder, breath warm on his collar bone. His tongue licked at the skin there.

Robbe felt a full shiver run down his body, giving Sander more room to explore. He felt his legs give out, thankful his hands held tight to Sander’s shoulders. Robbe reached one up to play at the bleached blond locks at the nape of Sander’s neck. He delighted in the noise that Sander made in response. They were the only two in the world, as far as Robbe was concerned he was so wrapped up in the feel of Sander around him. He almost forgot about the party outside, until a loud crash by the door brought them back to reality. Robbe pulled away reluctantly, letting the little space between them clear his mind. He wouldn’t let Sander wander too far though, his hand entangled in Sander’s shirt. He smiled at his boyfriend in front of him, a quiet whisper escaped. “Later.”

Sander kissed Robbe, soft and sweet. Full of promise. “We’re going to have to leave this room now or I don’t know if I can let you go.”

Robbe’s smile grew. “Let’s go see the boys.”

“Can’t we leave?” Sander pouted.

“Boys first.”

“Then we go?”

“Then we go.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

++

Robbe was not a particularly observant person, but as he lay in his bed next to a sleeping Sander, he realized he didn’t have to be. Sander was. Sander noticed him first, sent that first note, and initiated their conversations.

Sander was also patient. He waited Robbe out and let him decide for himself if he truly wanted to pursue the relationship that they were building to. Robbe no longer had to hide how he was feeling, to others or himself. Now that he felt more authentic in his skin, he was able to spend his time trying to notice more of what was happening around him. His feelings had grown deeper every day for his boyfriend. When Sander asked him how he was feeling, and when Robbe responded in turn. When Robbe felt comfortable enough to share his thoughts and worries. When Sander wore his emotions on his sleeve, growing more confident in the bond they were nurturing, sharing parts of himself with Robbe so freely.

Robbe was learning from his boyfriend to be more than what he thought he could be. Weeks ago, he wouldn’t have noticed the softness of Sander’s blond hair, or the way his breath hitched when he leaned over Robbe, his eyes on Robbe’s lips. He wouldn’t have felt the softness of his bed and the way it contrasted with the smooth muscle of Sander’s arms, his legs, his stomach. He wouldn’t have felt comfortable voicing his desires, what made him feel good, and how he wanted Sander to continue. Sander could see it in his eyes, could read it on his body, and he was eager to give Robbe everything he needed, but now Robbe was comfortable enough as to voice it.

Robbe was lucky to have Sander, someone who understood him and worked with him to make sure they were both happy. It made Robbe laugh every time Sander said he was the lucky one. How was it that he couldn’t see how lucky Robbe was to have found him?

All of this was to say, that Robbe was very happy to have received that first note. He was happy he got to meet Sander. He didn’t know what the road ahead held for the two of them, but he was sure it would be long and pleasant. He was sure they would travel it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking this ride with me! I had a lot of fun with this so I'd love to hear from you. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love hearing any feedback from the work I can get.
> 
> Find me:
> 
> tumblr: iwritetropesnottragedies.tumblr.com
> 
> twitter: @iwritetropes


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